快醒醒 Wake up!
为什么我就不能有个正常的闹钟呢 Why can't I have a normal alarm clock?
你已经有我了 而且我永远不会没电 You have one. And these batteries never die.
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#就像你从前那么爱我# # like you loved me before # mm!
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你最好赶紧做准备 # this time I want you # you should probably get ready,
要不然你上学就要迟到了 Or you're gonna be late for school. # to love me much more #
但是我想把这个男孩男人组合的MV看完 But I want to finish watching the boyz ii men video.
#这次我想要你直接跳到我床上来# # this time instead just come to my bed #
你知道吗 你爸爸是第一个和我约会的白人 You know, your dad's the first white guy I ever dated.
#还有 宝贝 请不要 # # and, baby, just don't... #
学校设置了几个第五节课的选修科目 School's giving you a choice of activities
供你们选择 For your fifth-period elective.
我帮你选了短笛 I chose piccolo.
短笛 但是我想学皮具手工啊 Piccolo?! But I wanted leatherwork!
我要精心打扮下自己 I was gonna craft myself
做一双皮靴或者一个皮质的车座 A pair of timbos or maybe a saddle.
别想了 你要去学短笛 No, you're learning piccolo.
-为什么 -因为我说的算 WHY?! All: BECAUSE I SAID SO!
可以借我点钱吗 Can I borrow some money?
山姆古迪商店在做唱片促销 There's a cd sale at sam goody's.
喔 Oh...
你不是到周五才能拿零花钱吗 Don't you get your allowance on friday?
拜托了 爸比 Please, daddy?
我的小公举要啥都可以 Anything for my little princess.
好吧 Okay.
好吧 至少等你把这袋垃圾扔出去之后才行 Well, I at least need you to take out the garbage.
祝你们今天过得愉快 孩子们 Have a good day, boys.
你是要去工作 老爸 又不是要去坐牢 You're going to work, dad, not jail.
我同意 你有点太矫情了 I agree with eddie. It's a little much.
额 埃文呢 埃文在哪里 Uh, evan? Where's evan?
他从今天开始和邻居的女士们 He started power-walking to school
一起快走去上学 With the neighborhood ladies.
我想我们今天早上可以走到主干道去 I'm thinking we go up high street this morning.
痛苦只是暂时的 姐妹们 Pain is weakness leaving the body, girls!
字幕由SSK字幕组倾情译制 仅供学习，勿用于商，转载请注明出处，版权归片方所有
初来乍到 第二季 第二集
他们就像是 They're just like
小小的紫色网球一样 Little purple tennis balls."
翻译 小伍
不管怎么样 我妈就是这么给我介绍李子的 Anyway, that's how my mom tried to sell me on plums.
伙计 你至少还有个周末好吗 Man, you had a weekend!
翻译 Sabrina
哦 不 八年级的来了 OH, No. Here come THE 8th Graders.
伙计 Man!
啊 Ugh!
我的芝士小勺子 My cheese tool!
翻译 CherryW
嘿 我能和你们一起坐吗 Hey, is it cool if I sit with you guys?
翻译 海里
好呀 当然 我们这儿位置多得是 Yeah, sure! We got plenty of room.
校对 Bunny
啊 Unh!
压制 hhjie
重读八年级真的很糟糕 Repeating 8th Grader sucks.
我所有朋友都去高中了 All my friends are in high school,
而全部的新八年级生都恨死我了 And all the new 8th graders hate me.
因为去年他们还都是愚蠢的七年级生时 Because I picked on them last year
时间轴 Bunny
我也是这么欺负他们的 when they were all dumb 7th graders.
不好意思冒犯了 No offense.
别在意 None taken.
我还坐在地上的呢 I'm sitting on the floor.
感谢海外录制人员
我还要去度过漫长的 And now I have to get tutored
第五节选修课 during my fifth-period elective .
总监 Bunny
我懂你的 小妞 I feel you, girl.
在我选修课上 我还要学短笛 For my elective, I have to take piccolo.
噢 就像那个最后变成真人的木偶吗[那个是匹诺曹] Oh, like that puppet that becomes a real boy.
没错 Yep.
对不起 妮可 我下次不敢了 Sorry, nicole. Won't happen again.
他们是 怕了你吗 Are they... afraid of you?
这些小杂碎 Those ding-wads?
他们最好是这样 They better be.
你们这些跳梁小丑看什么看 You clown jockeys looking at something?!
嘿 杰西卡 你怎么样啊 Hey, jessica! What's going on?
史蒂芬·金读书会 还记得吗 Stephen king book club, remember?
《宠物公墓》 "Pet sematary"?
我还带了一些小狗点心待会可以埋进我们嘴巴里 I brought hush puppies we can bury in our mouths.
我都还没开始读呢 I haven't even started it.
我这几天一直在研究这些家长指南 I've been going through these parenting guides,
想看看有什么对妮可有帮助的 Looking for some help with nicole.
《女儿 我们是一伙的》 "Daughter, we're in this together."
但是你都不是她的生母 But you're not even her real mother.
你是她的继母呀 You're her stepmother.
你要做的就是每天喝得烂醉顺带嘲讽一下她的体重 All you have to do is day-drink and criticize her weight.
马文到现在还把她当做爹地的小棉袄 Marvin only sees her as daddy's little girl,
所以我就要做那个唱黑脸的 嗯 So I have to be the strict parent... mm.
但是我讨厌这么做 ...which I hate.
因为我们之间的朋友关系才刚刚有了起色 Because we have made so much progress as friends.
为什么你们美国人总是 Why are americans so obsessed
这么想和孩子们做朋友呢 With being friends with their children?
我从来没有把孩子当朋友 I have no children friends.
-好吧 确实是 但是 -听着 你的工作不是和孩子们称兄道弟 -Okay, sure, but don't -look, your job isn't to be buddy-buddy.
而是要做一切为了她好的事情 It's to do what's best for nicole,
就算她不喜欢你的方式 Even if she doesn't like it.
你会下棋吗 Do you play chess?
不会 No.
噢 但是我和马文倒是在玩格子扭扭乐的时候认识的 Oh, but marvin and I did meet playing twister.
好吧 所以 下棋的时候 Okay, so, in chess,
你要未雨绸缪 You have to think several moves ahead.
就像埃迪就算再怎么不喜欢短笛 Like how eddie doesn't want to learn piccolo
但我还是要逼他去学 因为在大学 每年都有两千块钱的 But I'm making him because 2,000 marching-band scholarships
行进乐队奖学金无人认领 Go unclaimed every year at colleges!
这对埃迪可能有效 但是妮可现在是青少年了 That may work with eddie, but nicole's a teenager now,
所以我不能按照我的想法去逼她 So I can't just force her to do what I want.
别这么包子 你当然可以 Horse dumplings! Of course you can!
掌控你的孩子什么时候都不迟 Children are never too old to be controlled!
就像象棋一样 It's just like chess.
孩子们是小兵小卒 而你就是女王 Children are the pawns, and you are the queen.
而作为女王 And as the queen,
你还掌握棋盘上的所有棋子 You control all the other pieces on the board.
而国王只需要站在旁边 Then the king just stands around
把你的功劳占为己有 And takes credit for your work.
站得笔直 穿着短裤 Standing, shorts.
这可以让我玩一整天 I could do this all day.
啊 你看到那些小孩了吗 哈 Ah, would you look at that, huh?
我每次看到妮可都是这种感觉 That's what I see every time I look at nicole.
不管她有多大了 No matter how old she gets,
她永远是我的贴心小棉袄 She'll always be daddy's little girl.
太棒了 Must be nice.
她是不是还抱你啊 She probably still hugs you.
每天都抱 Every day.
我跟你说 I'll tell you,
有个女儿的感觉很奇妙 There's something magical about having a girl.
我一直都想知道那是什么样的感觉 I have always wondered what it would be like.
#永远 永远# # forever and ever #
#永远这么爱着你# # I love you so #
#永远 永远# # forever and ever #
#我想让你知道# # want to let you know #
#你对我的意义# # just what you mean to me #
#还有你迷人的魅力# # and all your charms #
#你有一种魔力# # you've got that magic touch #
#连微笑都这么美丽# # a magic smile #
她嫁人了不代表 Just because she's married
她就能随便长胖 doesn't mean she can get fat.
多奇妙啊 So magical.
真不敢相信我一定得去补课 I can't believe I've got to go to tutoring.
至少你不用去学笛子 At least you don't have to go to piccolo.
我为什么非得学乐器呢 Why do I have to learn instruments?
我本身就是乐器 I am an instrument.
我也就只会这点儿 That's all I have so far.
中午好 妮可 Afternoon, nicole.
呀 这是你的家教吧 Ooh, this must be your tutor.
通常都是高年级学生辅导低年级的 Normally, the older students tutor the younger ones,
不过看来你是个例外 But you're obviously the exception.
我妻子是亚洲人 所以我懂的 My wife's asian, so I get it.
-家教 不 我... -是的 Tutor?! No, I -- yes!
埃迪就是我的家教 您稍等一会儿 Uh, eddie's my tutor. Just one second.
家教 我可不会教书 Tutor?! I can't teach!
我是能教饶舌音乐 但这是两码事啊 I CAN EDUCATE SUCKA MCs, BUT THAT'S NOT THE SAME!
不是的 你听着 这简直太棒了 No, listen, I-it'll be awesome.
这样的话 补课的时间我们可以想干嘛就干嘛 This way, you and me can just hang out all period
比如说 听听歌什么的 And, like, listen to music and stuff.
是啊 Yeah.
这太棒了 That could be dope.
而且这样的话 我就不用去学笛子了 And this way, I can get out of piccolo!
我说我去辅导同学的话我妈会高兴死了 My mom will love that I'm tutoring.
你怎么就不觉得做家教是好事儿呢 How can you not love tutoring?!
因为下一步就是当老师 Because it's one step away from teacher,
那收入差不多跟流浪汉一样 Which is one missed paycheck away
后边儿再跟着条脏狗 袜子能当手套戴 From homeless man with dirty dog and socks for gloves.
这根本就是胡说 That doesn't even make any sense.
不用讲什么道理 你知道为什么吗 It doesn't have to make sense. You know why?
因为是你说的 Because you said so!
你最好不是去厨房偷吃饺子的 You better not be going into the kitchen to eat ravioli!
-嗨 亲爱的 -不行 Hey, sweetie! No!
你都还不知道我要说什么呢 But you don't even know what I'm asking.
你叫我“亲爱的” You called me "Sweetie,"
所以无非就是想买什么奢侈的东西 So you probably want something extravagant
比如一艘船或者派对装什么的 Like a boat or a new party shirt.
我们再要个孩子吧 生个女儿 Let's have another baby -- a girl one!
你疯了吗 本店早就不经营这业务了 Are you crazy?! Shop is closed!
生个女儿 A daughter?
我有坏消息要告诉你 I have horrible news.
奶奶终于还是抓到那只鸟了吗 Grandma finally caught that bird?
比那更糟 咱爸想要个女儿 Worse. Dad wants a daughter.
确实是个坏消息 That is worse.
要是再来个妹妹 她会霸占我们这间屋子的 If we get a sister, she'll take over our room.
我们就得搬去跟埃迪住了 We'd have to move in with eddie.
而且还得等他上大学之后才行 But only until he goes to college.
-埃迪上大学？ -就这么脱口而出了 Eddie in college?! It just came out!
随口就这么说出来了 It just came out!
杰西卡 我做到了 Jessica, I did it!
噢 哇哦 你做到什么了 Aah! Whoo! You did what?
妮可跟我要钱来着 Oh, nicole asked me for money.
我一分都没给 And I didn't give her any!
很好 因为你才是家里的皇太后 Good, because you are the queen.
你当然可以说“不” You tell her "No."
额 那什么 Uh, well...
亲爱的 你钱包在哪儿呢 Honey! Where's your purse?!
我听不到你说什么 我在洗澡呢 Can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
离说“不”不远了 I'm working up to "No."
不过我真是一毛钱都没给她 But I didn't give her any money.
行吧 这算是个不错的开始 Okay, well, it's a start.
给你个中评 I give you a c-minus.
学当好爹妈得慢慢来 Learning to be a good parent takes time.
说到学习 Speaking of learning,
妮可说埃迪教得特别好 Nicole says eddie is a fantastic tutor.
哪个埃迪 Eddie who?
杰西卡 你又开玩笑了 Jessica! You joke machine!
这星期你儿子天天都在辅导她呢 Your son has been tutoring her every day this week.
你下的又一手好棋 Another master chess move by you.
让埃迪更努力学习 Getting eddie to study more...
你才是真正的皇太后 You really are the queen.
你还在做家教呢 我说过到此为止 You're still tutoring?! I told you to stop!
等等 你怎么知道 Wait, how did you know?!
我什么都知道 I know everything!
你必须得去学笛子 You're taking piccolo!
必须得征服你的金笛子 You're going to ride that metal mouth tube
让它把你带到钱堆里去 All the way to money town!
不要 No!
你说什么 What did you just say?
我说 不 I said "No."
辅导她功课是我唯一可以跟她 Tutoring is the one chance I get
单独在一起的机会 To hang out with nicole alone.
我才不会放弃的 I'm not switching.
不 你会的 Yes, you are.
我要给学校打电话让他们把你换了 I will call the school and have them switch you.
哪怕你把我换掉了 Even if you switch me,
你也没法硬逼着我去吹笛子 You can't physically force me to play it.
我会把笛子直接塞你嘴里 I will tape it to your mouth.
那我就用鼻子喘气 I will breathe through my nose.
到你走下一步棋了 老妈 Your move, mom.
我简直不敢相信埃迪居然像那样违抗我 I can't believe eddie defied me like that! Hmm.
你知道谁最不会不尊重你吗 You know who wouldn't have disrespected you like that?
一个女儿 A girl.
我最近一次违抗我妈 The closest I ever came to defying my mother
就只是为了自己挑双鞋 Was when I wanted to pick out my own shoes!
那个小女孩也是自己要选鞋子
你知道你能给谁挑鞋子吗 You know whose shoes you could pick out?
一个小女孩儿 A baby girl's.
马靴 或者... Cowboy boots or...
也许我一开始说的太过了 Maybe I was too aggressive in my opening gambit.
有扣带的那种 ...one with a buckle and a strap.
-噢噢 玛丽珍鞋 -说的太过了所以逼的他叛逆了 Oh, uh, mary janes. Going at him made him defensive.
他们是这么叫的 That's what they're called.
-特别可爱 -我需要柔和一点 So cute. I need to fall back.
-穿在小女孩脚上 -我得以智取胜 On a girl... I need to outmaneuver him.
而且是我们自己的小女儿 ...which we could create...
让他自己主动去学笛子 make eddie think he chose the piccolo.
-一分钟都不要 -什么 ...in under one minute. Huh?
什么 What?
你爸才不想要其他小孩儿呢 埃文 Your father does not want another baby, evan.
我觉得他不像开玩笑的 He seems pretty serious about it.
相信我 他只是觉得自己想要而已 Trust me, he just thinks he does.
嗯 我肯定是荷尔蒙的原因 Mm. I'm sure it's hormones.
很可能是有到了每个月的那几天 嗯 It's probably just his time of the month... mm.
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你知道的 又到还贷款的时候了 嗯 ...you know, when the mortgage is due. Mm-hmm.
给他找个小狗 Just get him a puppy --
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娇小可爱的 能让他照顾的东西 Something small and cute he can take care of.
这就是他想要的 That's all he really wants. Mm-hmm.
是的 理查德春天的时候也说过想要个小孩 Yeah, richard brought up the baby talk last spring.
我就给他买了个钻孔机 I just bought him a drill.
所以 你一定是埃迪的妈妈 或者说 母亲 吧 So, you must be eddie's mother, or "Mu-chin," Yes?
我的妻子也是亚洲人 所以 我 呃 My wife's from asia, so, I, uh...
我希望你让埃迪辅导更多的学生 可以吗 I would like you to give eddie more tutoring students, please.
啊 你看吧 一对一的指导 Ah, you see, one-on-one instruction
是辅导过程的核心所在 Is, uh, very much at the core of the tutoring process,
所以 虽然我确定埃迪在各个科目都很优秀 So while I'm sure eddie excels in all subjects
可能包括 弦乐器 A-a-and likely a stringed instrument --
我妻子会弹中提琴 My wife plays viola --
呃 我不能再给他分配更多的学生了 Uh, I just can't assign him more than one student.
哦 当然 我懂您的规定 Oh, of course. I understand your rule...
那就好 Yes.
给白人学生的规定 ...for white students.
什么意思 I'm listening.
作为一位亚洲人的丈夫 As the husband of an asian wife,
您肯定对于宗定伯卖鬼的故事很熟悉吧 I'm sure you're familiar with the tale of zong dingbo.
哦 是的 宗 定 当然 Oh, yeah. Zong din-- yes.
只让埃迪辅导一名学生 Asking eddie to tutor only one student
是浪费了他的天赋 Is wasting his potential.
就像是让宗定伯 It would be like asking zong dingbo
扛着鬼只走了半截路 To carry the ghost only halfway into the town.
哦 是啊 是的 不 我懂你的意思了 是 是的 Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah.
对吧 你得办好这件事 Yeah. You'll fix it!
是的 我会的 I will. Yes.
-你知道吗 你和我妻子应该找机会一起吃个饭 -不用了 You know, you and my wife should grab lunch. No.
好吧 No.
你什么时候开始戴眼镜了 When did you start wearing glasses?
三年级的时候 但是我直到现在才开始 3rd GRADE, BUT I NEVER FELT SAFE ENOUGH
觉得在学校戴眼镜是安全的 To wear them at school until now.
因为 当我看清楚许多细节后 When the details come into focus,
我们当中的有些人没我想象中的那么迷人了 Some of us are less attractive than I thought.
他叫绒绒队长 His name is captain fuzz.
他是大陆航空公司的飞行员 He's a pilot for continental airlines.
埃迪 看 我买到了男孩男人组合的新专辑 Eddie, check it out. I got the new boyz ii men cd.
我们可以在辅导时听听 We can play it during tutoring
一边听一边让我完成在你手上的画作 While I finish drawing on your hand.
一言为定 Word.
今天吃披萨 筒子们 Pizza today, lads.
你是穿了条裙子吗 Are you wearing a skirt?
不 这叫苏格兰短裙 像电影《勇敢的心》里一样 No. It's a kilt, like in "Braveheart."
伙计 太过火了 你会让我们都死无葬身之地的 Dude, that's too far. You're gonna get us all killed.
嗨 妮可 Hey, nicole.
我知道你不是故意只和我打招呼的 还有我的朋友们呢 I know you didn't just say hi to me and not my friends.
呃 呃 呃 呃 Uh, uh, uh, uh --
呃 呃 呃 "Uh, uh, uh."
再见 Bye!
我们无敌了 We're invincible.
我兄弟穿了一件古衣 My boy's in a history dress!
你穿上也会很好看的 You would look good in one of those.
或许吧 Probably.
哟 走错地儿了吧 我在这儿辅导呢 Yo, wrong classroom! I'm tutoring up in here!
哦 这些是你的新学生 Oh, these are your new students.
但是辅导不是一对一的吗 But tutoring's supposed to be one-on-one.
是啊 可我们都知道 Yes, but we both know
你能应付更多的 You can handle more than one student.
宗定伯 对吧 Zong dingbo. Yeah?
《幼儿园特警》中施瓦辛格所饰警探的台词
他是脑袋被门挤了吗 Did he just have a stroke?
-嗨 我不认识你 你是新来的吧 -我爸是部队的 Hey, I don't know you. You're new. My dad's in the military.
我们刚被分配到这儿 但是别担心 We just got transferred here, but don't worry.
我是个情圣 不是战士 I'm a lover, not a fighter.
好搞笑 That's so funny.
一点都不搞笑 That wasn't funny.
“那不是肿瘤" "It's not a tumor!"
你要笑死我了 That's -- you're -- you're killing me.
哦 今天学校里怎么样 Oh, how was school today?
糟透了 课程辅导逊毙了 Terrible. Tutoring sucks.
我再也不干了 I'm never doing it again.
将军完胜 Checkmate.
#我们属于彼此# # we belong together #
埃迪 我喊你吃饭五次了 Eddie, I called you for dinner five times!
#你知道我是对的# # and you know that I'm right #
我不饿 I'm not hungry!
#为何玩弄我心# # why do you play with my heart? #
#路的尽头# # end of the road #
#我仍不能放手# # still, I can't let you go #
送你的 爸爸 Here you go, dad.
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
你们为什么把本来就是我的钻孔机送给我 还系了丝带 Why are you handing me my own drill with a bow on it?
为了你的荷尔蒙 For your hormones.
钻走你的感觉 Drill your feelings away!
噢 Aww.
这丝带配上小姑娘会很可爱的 This bow would look so cute on a baby girl.
#走到路的尽头# # go to the end of the road #
我在洗脸池旁边看到了这个 # still, I can't let you go # I found this in the sink.
在饭厅看到这个 # it's unnatural # this in the pantry.
还有这些 And these...
在浴室的杂志中间夹着 In between the magazines in the bathroom!
哦 日历封面是穿着蔬菜装的小女婴 Oh, calendars with cute baby girls dressed as vegetables.
这些怎么会到处都是 How did these get everywhere?
你知道小女孩会变成什么吗 Do you know what baby girls turn into?
青春期少女 路易斯 相信我 Teenage girls, and, louis, trust me,
那不是我们想要的 Neither of us want that.
你确定吗 我是说 多卡哇伊啊 Are you sure? I mean, come on.
我不觉得那很可爱 I don't think that's cute!
我觉得那很可怕 像是诅咒一样 I think it's freaky! It's like a curse!
就像是 这个可怜的孩子惹恼了女巫 It's like this poor baby angered some witch
女巫就给她下了诅咒 把她困在了卷心菜里 Who cursed her to be trapped in a cabbage body!
现在她需要被国王亲吻 And now she needs an emperor's kiss
才能解除诅咒 To release her from the curse,
可是已经没有国王了 因为现在是民主国家 But the emperors are gone -- replaced by democracy.
所以这个可怜的卷心菜女孩被抛弃在田地里 So this poor cabbage baby is left alone in the fields
被乌鸦钳啄 To be pecked at by crows.
然后有个摄影师看到了 And then a photographer comes along,
他给她拍了张照片 And he takes a photograph of her,
卖了好多钱 And he sells it for lots of money,
但是他就把她留在了一生的苦难之中 But he leaves her alone to a life of misery!
因为没人会爱一个卷心菜孩子的 For who could ever love a cabbage-faced baby?
#你不明了# # you just don't understand #
二月的是个胡萝卜 February's a carrot.
都说老娘已经不经营这业务了 Shop is closed!
#夜不能寐# # when I can't sleep at night #
#因无法与你相拥# # without holding you tight #
#女孩 每次的尝试# # girl, each time I try #
#我都崩溃哭泣# # I just break down and cry #
#伤心欲绝# # pain in my head #
#哦 我宁愿死去# # oh, I'd rather be dead #
#不停地旋转# # spinning around and around #
#尽管我们# # although we've come #
#走到路的尽头# # to the end of the road #
#我仍无法放手# # still, I can't let you go #
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
#你属于我# # you belong to me #
#我属于你# # I belong to you #
#走# # come #
#到路的尽头# # to the end of the road #
#我仍无法放手# # still, I can't let you go #
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
#你属于我# # you belong to me #
#我属于你# # I belong to you #
#我不# # I don't -- #
别听了 你呆在这儿已经好几天了 Enough little man boyz! You've been in here for days!
吃饭去 现在 Come to dinner now!
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
#你属于我# # you belong to me #
#我属于你# # I belong to you #
#尽管我们已# # although we've come #
#走到路的尽头# # to the end of the road #
#我仍无法放手# # still, I can't let go #
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
#你属于我# # you belong to me #
#我属于你# # I belong to you #
#走# # come #
#去到路的尽头# # to the end of the road #
#我仍然无法放手# # still, I can't let it go #
#喔 喔 喔# # whoa-whoa-whoa #
#这不寻常# # it's unnatural #
#你属于我# # you belong to me #
#我属于你# # I belong to you #
姑娘 我在这里等你 Girl. I'm here for you.
你伤害我的这些夜晚 All those times at night when you just hurt me
然后和别人离开 And just ran off with that other fella...
宝贝 我知道的 Baby, I knew about it.
我只是不去在意 I just didn't care.
准备好开读书会了吗 Ready for book club?
我终于读完了 I finally finished it!
这就是我们清理仓鼠的原因 This is why we flush our hamsters.
现在不行 I can't right now.
埃迪遇到困扰了 Uh, something's wrong with eddie.
他情绪低落 不肯吃饭 He's depressed. He won't eat.
也不听我的话 He won't listen to me.
我不知该如何是好了 I don't know what to do.
我甚至买了这本育儿书 I even bought this parenting book.
《高级象棋策略》 "Advanced chess strategy."
前言是电脑写的 The forward was written by a computer.
埃迪是因为妮可变成这样的 Well, eddie's upset because of nicole.
自从她开始和新来的克瑞斯来往后 Ever since she started hanging out with that new kid, chris.
你是怎么知道的 How do you know that?
因为我和她谈过 以朋友的身份 Because I talked to her -- as a friend.
我是说 我知道你的孩子不是朋友政策 I mean, I know your policy on children friends,
但是这是埃迪现在最需要的 But maybe that's what eddie needs right now.
他有朋友 He has friends.
有戴夫 嗯 还有个瘦瘦的 He has dave, uh, the scrawny one...
大红 Big red.
杰西卡 你没法解决这个问题 Jessica, you can't fix this.
现在埃迪最需要的是知道 What eddie needs from you right now is just to know
他不是第一个承受这种痛苦的人 That he's not the first person to go through it.
我想你有可能更喜欢这个闹钟 I thought you might like this alarm clock better.
这只懒狗会告诉你什么时候起床 The lazy dog tells you when to get up.
无所谓了 It doesn't matter.
你知道吗 我也曾经受过情伤 You know, I once had my heart broken, too.
大学时奥斯卡·周甩了我 When oscar chow dumped me in college...
那时感觉一片灰暗 I was devastated.
我曾一度认为我再也不会幸福了 I thought I would never feel happy again.
身体消瘦 成绩也受到了影响 I lost weight. My grades suffered.
我剪了头发 I cut my hair.
那时我人生中最糟糕的二十分钟 It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
你是怎么走出来的 How did you get over it?
我意识到 I realized that...
生活就是棋局 Life is a lot like chess.
你不可能次次都赢 You can't win every game.
但是你也不能因为输了就灰心丧气 But you also can't give up when you lose.
你知道吗 如果奥斯卡·周不甩了我 You know, if oscar chow hadn't dumped me,
我也就不能遇到你的爸爸 I never would have met your father.
也不会有我 And I wouldn't be here.
是的 Exactly.
那将多么可悲啊 And that would be tragic.
就好比两千块的乐队奖学金 Like the 2,000 marching-band scholarships
每年都没有人去领一样 That go unclaimed every year!
不 住手 Non...stop!
路易斯 我在垃圾桶里发现了很多日历 Louis, I found more calendars in the garbage.
是 我扔的 我改变主意了 Yeah, I threw them out. I changed my mind.
我们不需要其他孩子了 We don't need another baby.
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什么让你改变主意了 What made you change your mind?
我无意听了你和埃迪的谈话 I overheard you talking to eddie,
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让我想了很多 And it made me think --
如果我有个女儿如果有谁伤了她的心 If I had a daughter and she had her heart broken,
我会杀了那个负心汉的 I'd hunt the boy down who did it and murder him.
你是对的 我不想要个青春期少女 You were right. I don't want a teenage girl.
将军 Checkmate.
我是玉米超人 I am cornholio!
#一 二 三和四# # 1, 2, 3 and to the 4 #
#史努比和德瑞博士在门口# # snoop doggy dogg and dr. Dre is at the door #
#准备出场 那就准备好# # ready to make an entrance, so back on up #
这就是我为什么我玩大富翁 And that's why I always play monopoly...
作为引导 As the boot.
嘿 Hey.
为什么妮可不跟我们坐一起了 Why isn't nicole sitting with us?
我不认为她再也不会和我们一起坐了 伙伴们 I don't think she's gonna be sitting with us anymore, guys.
但是我穿了短裙 But I'm wearing a kilt.
你明白吗 我没穿裤子 Do you understand?! I'm not wearing pants!
好吧 伙伴们 Well, gentlemen...
见到你们很高兴 It's been a pleasure seeing you.